Conversations in IM Statuses

We've had interesting conversations (although brief) via the Google Chat status. It's petty and dumb but it's a tie to what is going on...

For instance, I know that Mr. R will be in the southern part of my state for Christmas. I'm assuming then that he will be there with his step-mom. I'm sad that he'll be 5 hours away... close but not too close.

Last night, I broke down again and put "is snooping really an unpardonable sin or just an excuse to keep something ended that you were going to end after Labor Day anyway... I still have questions"

he put in his status "then maybe you should call"

I wrote: "I did, but you didn't want to talk"

That was the end of our conversation and he signed out. So what does that mean? I checked my home phone, he didn't call me - so he's not making this where I know he will talk with me.

In a way, I want to know EVERYTHING so that I can NOT like him any more. I hate that I hold onto this.

For about 2 weeks, I felt frozen and I thought that was good... because hopefully, that is a step to getting over Mr. R for good... but then, this week I have missed him again. It's so DUMB! He was only part of my life for 3 months and even then, it was minimal... but to me, a naive girl, with few men I've fallen for on my list, he was significant.

My problem this week is I'm going out with a guy tonight who is interested in me... he's nice and funny and smart and comes highly recommended from some good friends of mine... (and they aren't 20 year old recommendations either)... so I should be excited and open to the possibilities... My insides rebel. I just want to be with Mr. R - but then I think I probably only want to be with the MR. R that I thought I knew...

so if I got some answers, wouldn't I be able to have a clearer picture of the fact that he was just using me as a smoke-screen and didn't really respect or care for me... (I keep trying to tell myself that... how long will it take to believe that?) it's why I want to talk... just give me back my heart - right now I just have a hole where it was.