So, I have a great guy interested in dating me. I should want to date him. But first, I need you to tell me, and I need to feel, there is NO chance... that you hate me... that you don't want to be with me. I need to know that you could never forgive me for my role in everything... and then, I need to be able to let go. I don't like that I haven't been able to let go. I need to want to be with this new guy. I want to move on to the next step... relationship, marriage, family. I need to not remember the beach in Northern California. I need to not remember this summer. I need to not want those things with you. I feel like I was branded yours. I only want to be branded once. I need to not worry about you and wonder what's going on in your life. I need to let go and something inside is still holding on. I feel like I'm not supposed to let go. Am I insane? I swear I've hit the insanity stage. I care for you and you don't want it and don't care about me. Ultimately, that's what has to matter but it's been hard for me to let go.
And then, if you tell me there's 'never going to be an us' - it will break my heart.. but then it's already broken.
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